So January was not my month for 2014. And February didn’t get much better. I think I jinxed the month when I had such high expectations of positivity, new beginnings and happiness. Me and my big mouth….
Well the universe decided to hand out some lessons. She tends to throw harsher lessons when we don’t listen. And I’ve proven to be special needs in getting the message. My ability to deny the obvious and run around in circles even surprises me at times. Imagine the vulnerability I open myself up to ….
It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say. It’s just that I was raised to be quiet if I had nothing good to say. You’ll be happy to know that I have been thinking lots though. I’ve been observing….maybe taking stock of my life. Trying to find my strength and the quiet….But then again one can only be so quiet for so long.
So I managed some wins in February from a work perspective. I’ve never been scared of hard work. But didn’t win in other areas. I have to admit I’ve been treading water too long now. My babies have been gone too long and that kills me. I haven’t put on my dancing shoes as I so promised I would. I’ve spent too little time in my pink kitchen and not cooked enough meals. I managed to kill some of the plants in the garden because of sheer neglect. I’m finding it hard to find the energy I once had. I’m finding it hard to determine what I need.
I got an unexpected call from my oldest friend tonight. My first love. She gave me a long distance love transfusion. With the babies not being around I haven’t been able to give or receive any love transfusions…..And she reminded me of how we all need our daily dosage of love.
I’m not making any promises about March. I will not have or create any expectations. I think I need to roar a little….